


Hold On To That Heart Break

by manonlemelon



Series: If I Let You Go [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Theo getting a life, Theo is trying his best to live his life but misses his sunshine, Trying to move on, angst because it's Theo he is an angsty sewer bean, mention of alcohol and drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 09:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15140234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manonlemelon/pseuds/manonlemelon
Summary: Theo has left Beacon Hills and tries to move on and built a life for himself. But he misses Liam and always coming back to help the beta isn't helping. Living without the beta isn't as easy as it seems.





	Hold On To That Heart Break

**Author's Note:**

> The songs that inspired this part are [Remember Every Scar by Escape The Fate](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XleCTkNECko) and [ Jasmine Thompson cover's of You Are My Sunshine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cBzMSPYKas)  
> If you see any typo/mistakes please feel free to point them out to me.  
> I hope you enjoy :)

Theo didn’t make it very far before stopping. But that was never the plan. If he wanted to be able to help his Sunshine whenever the other boy needed it, he had to stay close to Beacon Hills. His destination had been fixed ever since he first started to think about leaving, even when he knew he would never be able to do it. Planning his departure, where he would go,  had been a desperate attempt at giving himself the strength to go through with it. He had chosen to stay in Redding, a town a little over an hour away from Beacon Hills, known for its shady business that would allow Theo to make money easily.

He didn’t think he would have been able to drive much longer if he was being honest. The guilt was eating him up alive, suffocating him. He had caused Liam to break down, pushed him so far that the beta asked him to leave. He did this. He destroyed his Sunshine.

Leaving was the hardest thing he ever did. He just hoped Liam would get better, enough to not be so broken over him, over what happened that he would be able to call him whenever it was necessary. Because as selfish as it was Theo needed some sunshine in his life even if it was just a few hours every now and then consisting of him taking care of the latest problem they were facing. Even if it was just getting a text or call asking him to come and having Sunshine flashing on his screen. Though he couldn’t just stay around in his truck waiting for Liam to call. Sadly, the reality was that his departure from Beacon Hills was permanent and he had to get through this. Get his life back on track.

The first step was finding a place to stay and a job. Well more like a quick way to get money. He was still Theo Raeken after all, what he excelled at wasn’t serving coffee at Starbucks. It was manipulating, reading people, plotting and being sneaky. Back in Beacon Hills, after the war he used to deal drugs and rough people up for the wrong people. This allowed him to get some money and eventually enough to get a place to stay and out of his truck. He had even managed to graduate. Being a chimera meant he could easily distinguish clients from undercover cops and him being well himself made it easy to find buyers. But this was gone now, and Theo didn’t want a crappy apartment anymore. This was going to be his life until the day he dies and sealing drugs was fine to get back on your feet but eventually you have to find something a bit more lucrative.

Though right now he didn’t have much of a choice, he didn’t have that much money saved and didn’t particularly fancied sleeping in his truck again. And that is how he ended up in front of the local drug distributor, getting his part to sell. He does it for a few weeks, find a new place to stay. It’s not as crappy as the one he had in Beacon Hills but it’s not that great either. The good part about dealing drugs is that you get to hear what is going on in the street and that is how Theo learns about the illegal gambling club in the city. This was the perfect easy money for the chimera all he has to do was focus on heartbeats and chemosignals to know what to play and to know who is bluffing and who isn’t. It’s easy money and once the word got around about the incredibly good guy at poker he has started to be invited to bigger games with player who had way more money to offer.

He ended up making a lot more money than he thought he would, he was able to afford a really nice apartment only one month after he had started playing. His life surely was easier after that. He didn’t have to worry about being able to afford basic necessity anymore. As long as he stayed focused and not too greedy he will be fine. The real challenge with those guys was that they never knew when to stop and always kept playing even if they were clearly losing which made them make risky moves. In a way being able to sense everyone’s emotions was a blessing as he could always smell the despair emanating from certain player when they had lost too much. It allowed him to stay focused and never get lost in the greed for more the scent always there to remind him that he could lose too if he wasn’t fully focused on the game.

Now that the constant worry about surviving wasn’t the first thing on his mind anymore it allowed his thoughts to come forward and consume him completely. His love for Liam and how much he missed him was there but more prominently his guilt. His Sunshine has blue eyes. Because of him. And leaving might help Liam find himself again but it could never change the fact that the beta murdered someone. This was forever, there was no taking it back no matter how much Theo wished he could. There was no magical creature that could ever make that night disappear. This was his greatest shame, not killing his sister, his lack, all the betrayal and murder in the name of post and the dread doctors. No. His greatest guilt will forever be being the reason that Liam took an innocent life to save him. Maybe it will get easier with time, but it will still be something he will carry with him until the day he dies. And every now and then he would get to watch into the beta’s flashing eyes in the face of danger and be reminded of that. They might be beautiful and appeal to the darkest part of Theo, making him want to enjoy hunting with Liam, going to the darkest place they ever could, feeling fearless and powerful. Unstoppable. But it still was a weight putting him down. The guilt was more powerful than any other feeling he had, and he was left alone trying to live with that.

After spending 6 months moping over Liam, desperately waiting for things to start being better Theo realized it would never stop hurting. There wouldn’t be a day when he wouldn’t miss him. The person that saved him in more way than once. The person he was so in love with he was willing to sacrifice anything for. His... He couldn’t even think the word anymore. Let alone say it. It hurt too much. Sometimes it felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move like some part of him was missing. He knew exactly which part, but he wasn’t about to admit it to himself. He made it that far and it was for the best. So, he would keep fighting, keep feeling his throat tightening and his eyes watering whenever he would start thinking of that word before his brain sprung into action and prevented himself to even finish his thought. The only time where it was allowed was when it flashed on his phone, meaning Liam needed him meaning he could think it for a little while until he inevitability had to leave the only warmth he craved more than anything.

And that is how the 6 months period of random hook up and experimentation of his chimera’s healing abilities started. He never cared about gender, guys or girls worked as long as they allowed him to forget about blue eyes and a smile brighter than the sun for a little while even if it never seemed like enough, they never knew exactly what he needed, and he could never truly let go as they were humans. They never smelled right. Especially the guys, after they were done it was never the right scent clinging on him, the sheets, in the air… And it made his animals howl in despair. Still he went back to it night after night, desperately trying to find some solace in the arms of strangers, pretending their touches were enough and similar from the ones he truly craved, the touches he desperately needed.

 He discovered that if he managed to mix just the right amount of wolfsbane with whatever it was that he was taking it would work. Of course, he could never afford lose himself too much. He needed to be ready at any time in case of emergency. But that didn’t stop him from trying plus the effect weren’t as long lasting on chimeras as human courtesy of his accelerated healing. And it was always nice to be able to forget about Liam even for a little while. To forget how he couldn’t even think about a certain word anymore. After a while he figured out that no drug, no sex with random people would ever be able to make him feel like it wasn’t hurting as bad as it was. There was no point for that anymore. His brain no longer even tried to convince him that their touches could fill up the void that losing Liam left inside him. Instead he tried leaving a normal life. Well as normal as you could when you made your money gambling. He tried to heal.

The one good thing that came out of his hook up period except orgasms and some really good nights was his friendship with Cal. He was the bartender from the club he usually hanged out at. It started with him making fun of Theo for spending night after night here when he could clearly do anything else. And who knows how exactly it happened but slowly night after night Theo started opening up to him, talking about everything and anything sometimes more serious conversation sometimes just speaking about the latest movie that came out. Maybe it was Theo’s desperate need for someone, anyone that cared more than juts getting in his pants, maybe it was the loneliness and seeing a familiar face day after day was helping with that. One day he finally told him why he was drinking and drowning himself in stranger. He told him about Liam, well didn’t really expended on the whole murder thing and all that comes with Beacon Hills, but he told him about being in love with a guy that shines like the sun and having to leave for his well-being. It was Cal that made him realize that maybe this wasn’t the right way to get over him. That maybe he needed to face his feelings instead of burying them. Accepting what was lost and starting to find a way to slowly heal. To start living again.

First step was figuring out what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He had managed to graduate high school somehow back when he was still in Beacon Hills, still the happiest he had ever been. But this wouldn’t lead him anywhere in life. True he could just live off stupid human playing cards against a chimera but that wasn’t’ really fun. He briefly considered becoming a hitman, after all murder was one of the thing he was good at but he had been trying to be a better person and that most likely wouldn’t work with this idea. He wanted to try to have a normal life at least he hoped he would someday. Theo was pretty sure there would always be disaster of the supernatural nature that will need to be dealt with. Some part of him hoped so. The part that couldn’t let Him go. And that made him feel guilty. What kind of person hope the one person they love is in danger just so that they can see them? Even if Liam was away at college now, he was the closest one to Beacon Hills, meaning he was always the one coming back to save the city from impendent doom.

Still, a normal life involved either a crappy job or higher education, he had standards though so higher education it was. Luckily America had that incredible thing called online courses that allows him to get a degree without having to move to another town (further away from the only person he wanted to go back to). And his winning at his “job” was enough to cover the tuition fees. Theo was now a student with a major in biology and a minor in chemistry. That sadly meant he had to deal with papers and finals which ended up in him making regular coffee run at the weirdest hours of the night to his favorite coffee place.

The second step was moving on. He couldn’t love the memory of a man he would never have again for the rest of his life. Well he could and will, but it didn’t mean he shouldn’t try to move on. To meet new people, create real relationships. He probably won’t ever have a pack in this city, or anywhere else, after all the supernatural creatures nearby were way too attracted by the supernatural beacon that was the Nemeton resting in Beacon Hills to stay in a city so close by. They had to go there, which inevitably ended badly for them. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t have the normal human relationships everyone else had. And he was still just a chimera with a past no sane pack would accept. Though that wouldn’t be very possible if he stilled clinging to the past like it was the only thing allowing him to breathe. It was time. Time to change the name that his phone displayed less and less. Time to let go even if just a bit. Time to reclaim that word and finally let himself think it again without it breaking him. It was just a word after all. That was a lie and he knew it but whatever it takes to be free right?

He started hanging out with Cal more often and got to meet all of his amazing friends and was quickly integrated in the group. They often ended up at that dinner where the cook, an amazing woman called Mercy, made incredible eggs, they were famous all over town and she even had her own fans, two girls called Sab and Karina that were always there enjoying Mercy’s eggs. It was really nice having people actually wanting to hang out with him, granted they didn’t know who he really was, didn’t know about the monster raging in his past but they cared. In a way it was like having the pack he always craved for. A lot of different people caring for each other. There was Cal obviously, always so nice and ready to show him some new music though he was often sleepy, bartending schedule not being very friendly to his sleep schedule, and his boyfriend Garrett a blonde guy that was really funny and worked out a lot. They were adorable together but sometimes it was hard for Theo to see them as it reminded him of the one person he couldn’t have, the one thing he craved more than a pack.

Slowly though with the passing time it became easier. There was Sofia, the crazy unicorn lover always ready to bully anyone into doing whatever she wanted but she also had a heart as big as her love for the magical creature. Theo wonder what would happen if he told her unicorn were actually real. Then there was Sammy, queen of typos and had always crazy stuff happening to her well at least for a human, like forgetting to plug her laptop in and going to the IT department complaining it didn’t work. Amanda was from Oklahoma where apparently watermelon was a vegetable… Yeah totally absurd if you ask him but she was the sweetest and able to spiral on any topic of conversation for hours. Tabby was a nurse student that spent far too much time writing and not sleeping for her own good. Des was an incredible human being, with the worse luck sometimes and horrible days but always finding a way to see the bright side and had a wicked sense of humor. Alicia was an amazing girl and not afraid to call anyone on their bullshit. She was always with her friend Ashlee, you couldn’t see one without the other. It was a mess of amazing people each very different but somehow together they fit perfectly. They were the ride or die kind of group of friends.

Sometimes they were joined by other peoples: Kane, Kristina, Dani, Elie and Colby. It was weirdly surreal, how nice everyone was to him, a stranger coming out of nowhere and they just welcome him with open arms, acted like he had been there forever. But he guessed everyone at some point had been a stranger and that’s just how they worked. Theo never had that before. Friends. Several of them. A group so large but still very close. It was very new to him, but he loved it, it was the one good thing that came out of him leaving Beacon Hills. Though if any of them would learn what he really was, what he did, they would probably run away from him and never talk to him again.

 

* * *

 

It took Theo over one year after he left to start dating again. He had to force himself to go out and meet people. Liam wasn’t his anymore, not that he ever was at least not really, and even though he didn’t want to ever be with someone else he owed to himself to at least try. He couldn’t stay single forever, that would be a sad life and Liam would want him to at least try to be happy. And as much as it broke him to even think about it, his time with the beta, his happiness, his Sunshine was gone. All he could do was hold onto the pain he felt and remember that it was what made him human. Those feelings were the proof he wasn’t a monster, that he could attempt a normal life. Well as normal as being a chimera allowed him to be.

He received the push he needed when he went to help the beta with hunters and could smell another person all over him. He seemed happier. Healthier. He was surely sleeping more. He didn’t look like he was drowning anymore, like the weight of his eyes color was resting on his shoulders. And despite wishing more than anything in the world that it could be his scent again that lingered on the beta’s body he was happy for him. Liam was living his life, moving on, accepting what he was now and learning to let people in, learning to love people that wouldn’t turn him into a murderer. His happiness was all that matter in the end and if Liam was able to wear proudly someone’s else scent around surely the chimera could find it in himself to try and date people and Cal would be thrilled about him finally trying to go out with someone. He will surely try to set him up with that friend of his he always talks about. Or Sofia will bully him into asking whatever cute person they would run into.

The first person he dated was a sweet girl that Sofia had been friend with saying they would be perfect for each other. Things went okay, easier than he had expected, probably because she was a girl, it helped to not compare her to Liam too much. Which it was why he thought this would be okay. Different person, hell different gender and he had to use that word again at some point, right? That had probably been his biggest delusion, bigger than thinking he could have a pack and power back then. When he innocently said the word, she smiled, apparently liking it. But Theo… He felt sick to his stomach like he just betrayed something sacred, like he did the unspeakable. That word was meant to be his and his only why did he even thought for a second that he could give it to someone else? Someone he didn’t even love? He left abruptly and ended up in a back alley shaking and crying, he even thinks he actually threw up, but he wouldn’t be able to tell for sure. When he eventually calmed down he went home and send her a text saying they could never work out, it wasn’t a particularly nice text and Theo prayed he never would have to see her again because it would just be a reminder of his betrayal. The poor girl probably hated him not knowing what she did wrong to deserve to be treated this way and thinking he must be a real asshole.

Theo tried he really did but no matter how much he lied to himself there will always be only one Sunshine. His Sunshine. The only person deserving of that name. The only person that could make him feel like if the sun was shining, warming his skin with just his smile. Liam was his Sunshine and he always will be. He will always love him, no matter what the beta will always be the one he will choose over anyone else. That was the only truth he could no longer deny. That day a name was changed back to what it always should have stayed. And when his phone displayed it the next day it didn’t hurt, the opposite actually. It felt like a promise, he will get a few moments of his Sunshine again even if only for a little while. He will feel the warmth and light emanating from him and he had missed it, so much more than he was willing to admit.

He thought that given his reaction to the name flashing on his phone this time going back to Beacon Hills would be easier, but it turned out it hadn’t. It had been harder than usual, being there, in Liam’s presence and unable to call him by the only word he wanted to. Sunshine. His Sunshine. It hurts, having to physically prevent himself from letting the word out. It’s all he wanted. He missed saying it, he didn’t thought he would but he did, so much. He missed it even more than the feeling of the beta’s lips on his. He would give anything to be able to say that word one last time. After all the last time he got to do it he didn’t knew it would be the last, it seems only fair that he would get one final chance. One final time to appreciate it, enjoy the word rolling on his tongue, love dripping from it, and finding his only legitimate recipient.

He ended up going with Mason to look for something in the sewer once more and Liam called, Sunshine flashing on his screen. By the weird look Mason was giving him, he knew he saw and he didn’t know what to think of it. Clearly Liam’s best friend wasn’t the most open toward him not after what the beta did to save Theo. But he wasn’t the one that hated him the most either. It was like in some strange way Mason respected him, maybe because he left when Liam asked him to. He remembers going back to Redding eventually once the threat had been dealt with and laying on his bed, wishing he was still there, thinking about how despite the fact that city he lived in didn’t have maniacs or supernatural hell bent on killing them running around town he still had never felt safer than in Liam’s arms. Never felt more at home.

 

* * *

 

 

Cal had the weird habit of sending him songs to listen to that he either really liked or just thought would fit Theo which was fine with him, he was always happy to discover more songs. One day though he sent a song that hit particularly close to home. Remember Every Scar by Escape The Fate. It was as if the song was describing his life which was relatively creeping considering his friend knew nothing about the supernatural and his less than conventional childhood.

 

_Hold on to that heartbreak_

_Hold on to that hell you have to pay_

_Sometimes it's the only thing that gets you by_

_Hold on to that heartbreak_

_Hold on to that hell you have to pay_

_All the tragedies make you who you are_

_Remember every scar_

 

It was as if the song was describing his need to hold onto Liam, to hold onto the pain to never forget what he couldn’t have. To try and do better in his new life by never forgetting where he comes from. And he wasn’t even going to think about that “hell you have to pay” line and what it would mean in regard to Tara, though it could also relate to life without his Sunshine. He couldn’t argue that all the tragedies he had to go through in his life truly shaped him into the man he had become, obviously the whole Dread Doctor debacle and being manipulated into killing his sister but also more importantly him being send into the ground and how it made him feel again, how it made him human again in a way. At this point he was pretty sure his whole life could be read into songs, especially by this band it seemed!

 

* * *

 

 

He remembers the day he asked Oliver out, it was never supposed to happen, but Sofia somehow convinced him that just smiling at the cute barista from his regular coffee place for two years wasn’t acceptable anymore and that something had to be done. Apparently, Oliver has been giving Theo heart eyes ever since he first started working there according to the unicorn lover. He was pretty sure that if he hadn’t caved in she would have given him his number anyway. At first Theo was hesitant after all every relationship he ever attempted so far had failed after only a few months, but this time it turned to be different, Oliver turned to be different. He was kind and didn’t overwhelm Theo by wanting to go too fast. Physically that had never been a problem for him, it was more the emotional side and things like starting to leave belongings at each other’s place that made the chimera uncomfortable. Oliver though, he was perfectly fine with letting Theo take his time and not rush things. This is probably why he fell in love with him.

He remembers, when their relationship was still relatively new, when they had only been going out for two months or so and they where lying down under the sun in a park. Theo couldn’t help himself, it was the same every time the sun shines so bright, his mind couldn’t stop going back to his Sunshine, wishing it was his smile that was illuminating the world instead of the ball of fire in the sky. He could still picture as clearly as if he had it right in front of him which always led him to believe that if he opened his eyes he would be met with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. He couldn’t though, couldn’t think like that, not anymore. And he wouldn’t even go near to think about the disappointment he would feel when he wouldn’t be met with the sight he desired to see the most. His time with Liam was long gone. Oliver noticed him being lost in thought and his sadness that came with thinking about Liam must have shown on his face despite his eyes being hidden behind sunglasses because he asked what was going on and Theo didn’t have it him in to invent a believable story, so he just told part of the truth, that he preferred cloudy days because sunny days reminded him of someone he cared about. He didn’t tell him though that his love for cloudy days came from the fact that it’s easier to live without his sunshine if the outside world is plunged in darkness too.

He never expected it, falling in love, he remembered waking up one day and realized he loved the man sleeping peacefully next to him. He could never love someone nearly as much as his Sunshine, nothing could ever compare to that, their connection was too deep, they went through too much together for something to ever be able to compare to that. Liam would forever be the light he needs to survive, the one person he would love and protect above all. The one person he would risk go back down there for. But he could still love and that was what he was feeling for Oliver, simple love that made him happy and smile. It wasn’t the burning fire that consumed his whole body like with Liam.  It felt warm and calm, like being under a cozy blanket during a snowy day. And that was enough for Theo so he tried so hard to make it last. It worked for a while. A long while actually. Him and Oliver stayed together for one year and a half, they had inside jokes and nicknames and everything. His friends loved him and were already picturing the two of them growing old together. But sadly, it had to come to an end and it broke Theo’s heart.

Sure, it didn’t hurt nowhere near as much as leaving Beacon Hills, as leaving him, over and over again, each time hurting more and more. But it still did, Theo loved him, and he wasn’t the one to end it. It was a different kind of pain, feeling like being left behind, like he wasn’t enough even if he could understand why Oliver ended it. After all, to everyone else a guy that keeps running back to his ex to “help” every now and then without being able to explain why except with an obvious lie and being gone the next second if it wasn’t just a text indicating he will be gone for a few days would be suspicious. Theo knew he should have put more care in the lies he crafted as excuses to be gone, he was after all an expert at manipulation and could probably lie his way through anything. But he could never be bothered, when Liam asks him to come, all he can think about is his Sunshine and what he will have to do to protect him. His brain doesn’t have the will to craft a believable story, too busy worrying about the danger the beta could be in. Oliver had been more than understanding at first, seeing that obviously Liam still meant a lot to Theo but believing him when he told him that he would never be with Liam again for a whole lot of reason but mainly because there were no good for each other. They never will be, no matter how much he wished he could change that. The fact that Liam didn’t need his help that often anymore probably help to the fact that him and Oliver lasted this long all things considered.

Lately though there had been a hunter situation again, they though it had been dealt with but two weeks later they came back at full force and then again 3 weeks later. This had cause him to fight with Oliver a lot, the first time he had to leave they were supposed to go to the beach for the weekend and he hadn’t take very kindly that Theo had to suddenly cancel and leave for a week to go help Liam. The second time being so close didn’t help the situation at all. In Oliver’s defense he didn’t know about the supernatural, didn’t know that him going back to his Sunshine was to prevent him from dying. And that was the one thing he could never stop himself from doing, no matter what it would take, no matter who he would have to kill. Theo knew he wouldn’t be able to live in a world where his Sunshine wasn’t alive and breathing. Still when Liam called for the third time, asking him to come back once more he had been with Oliver and apparently his “I’ll be there in an hour.” Hadn’t gone over very well with his boyfriend. They fought well Oliver tried to but he didn’t have time for this, he had to go and make sure the beta was safe.

That’s when it happened, when Oliver asked him to choose between him and his Sunshine, telling him that he could go help Liam or stay and be with his boyfriend, but that if he chose to go Oliver wouldn’t be waiting for him when he would come back. Telling him they would be over. As if there was even a choice, as if Theo would ever put someone above his Sunshine. He remembered saying “Oliver I love you, but this isn’t a battle you can win. When it comes down to it I will always choose him, always choose to help him I can’t explain but believe me when I tell you this is life or death situation. All I can say is that a truly do love you and me and Liam it’s never going to happen again and if that’s not enough for you then I don’t know what else to say. All I know is that I can’t do this right now, I have to go. I just hope you’ll still be there when I come back.” Before walking out of the door. No matter that it cost him Oliver he would never regret his choice. Not when he took a bullet for his Sunshine that would have killed him.

To say that his friends and especially Sofia were less than impressed by him having managed to make Oliver break up with him was an understatement, but they still loved and supported him even if they didn’t understand why he couldn’t let go of this boy from another life that he only got to see every now and then. They weren’t a fan of Liam because to them he was holding Theo back and just using him whenever he needed help. He couldn’t be mad at them though. They didn’t know, none of them did, not about the supernatural, not about him and certainly not about Liam and the constant danger he always found himself in, not about their history and how Liam saved him, how Theo destroyed him. Until one day not soon after he and Oliver broke up Cal did. He went to see Theo all full of good intention, wanting to make sure his friend was alright, but all he found was a broken Theo spiraling thinking about how he would never be able to let go, never find someone that would understand and would forever be alone because Liam would always be his first choice. That day he told Cal everything, his whole life story, what he was, how he became a chimera, and Liam. He told him all about Liam, how much he loves him, how deep their bound ran, and why they could never be together again. He just might have left out the goriest details of his past with the Dread Doctors. The fact that he stayed and didn’t look at Theo any different said a lot about what kind of person he is.

Talking to Cal had helped a lot, finally having someone knowing all his struggle and being able to help Theo with the thoughts that was haunting his mind was everything he didn’t even realized he needed. He helped him realize that no matter the guilt he will always carry, Theo never asked for Liam to kill for him. The beta did this of his own free will. Sure, it had been because he had feelings for Theo, but you can’t control feelings, Liam couldn’t help falling for Theo more than Theo could help falling for the beta. His friend had been the one to convince him that yes, he could be happy, even without his Sunshine by his side and that eventually he will find someone that will understand, it just might take Theo opening up to them. Though he wasn’t sure if that was something he would ever be able to do, being this open and vulnerable to someone in a limited amount of time for them to understand and not run the other way around like Oliver did when he has to go and save the blue-eyed beta’s life over and over again.

Theo decided to hold off from relationship for a little while at least, he needed time to get his head straight again, it would be pointless anyway, his luck of finding anyone that would understand his relationship with Liam and why he had to help him was very thin. This lead him to deciding to get a dog after some serious thinking. One day he went to the animal shelter and came out with a black Labrador puppy that was the dog embodiment of a teddy bear. Her name was Leïka and she was the absolute sweetest girl, Theo had fallen in love the moment his eyes had met hers in full puppy mode.

 

* * *

 

 

Liam’s need for help became few and far in between through the years, the beta having learnt how to take care of the problem himself, and the pack’s never ending growing number helped a lot. They only ever needed Theo when it became too dangerous and the problem had to be dealt with in a way none of them were willing to do. How ironic, he left his Sunshine behind because of a murder and murder he had to commit was the only reason he ever saw him again. Theo had learnt to live with only seeing his Sunshine a handful of times in a year.

One day, when he came out of the shower he was met with one missed call on his phone. It had been 6 months since the last time Liam had needed the chimera to deal with the hunter situation, his help hadn’t been needed since then. Almost 5 years since he left Beacon Hills altogether. And yet, seeing the word Sunshine written in his phone notification still made his heart skip like it had all those years ago. He couldn’t help the hope and happiness that made its way in his heart at the prospect of finally seeing him again. Which as always, made him feel terribly guilty not a second after. How could he feel that way when Liam was in danger? When his Sunshine needed his help?

He gave himself a few more seconds of peace and happiness, just staring at the screen, basking in the feeling the name bring in him before hitting the call back button. When the beta didn’t pick up every ounce of happiness and hope he felt was crushed and the only thing that was left was a deep panic and the guilt of not having pick up right away, not call back the moment he stepped out of the shower instead of allowing himself to wonder at a contact name.

He snaps out of it and quickly pack an overnight back, texted Cal that he had to go help Liam and to take care of Leïka, who knows how long he will be in Beacon Hills for, hopefully more than a day. And rush to his truck, driving toward the only person that matter, driving toward his Sunshine. Speed limit was the least of his worries as he raced toward the city, dividing the little over an hour drive by two.

Theo tried the radio to distract him, hoping that somehow a song would help him calm down, but it was just his luck that the one playing was about someone nicknaming their lover Sunshine as if the universe was mocking him because he couldn’t have his anymore.

 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are gray_

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

Theo broke down at the last line of the chorus, tears starting to spill. He could only wish that his Sunshine never got taken away. Only wish that the hole in his heart wasn’t real. That it could be filled. He tried, it never worked out. No one could ever replace him. Which was okay really because he didn’t want to. He just wished it didn’t have to hurt this much. He could only dream of a world where his Sunshine was still here, by his side every day. But that was a fantasy not real life and this could never be real again. It was just that, a beautiful dream.

The pain was always worse when he was coming back. Because he knew he would have to leave all over again. Be strong enough once more. And each time it was getting harder and harder. But he still did it. He probably still would even if Liam asked him to stay. Because despite everything, it was still what was best for them. His Sunshine was better off without him. And one day he won’t need Theo anymore and will forget he ever cared. Which was fine because it would mean he was happy and safe. And the only proof left that Theo was ever part of his life would be eyes glowing blue. One day he will leave Beacon Hills for good and never come back without even knowing so.

He had to learn to live again when his Sunshine got taken away. It had been difficult, but he had done it, built a life somewhat with the failures and successes that comes with it. It didn’t mean that he didn’t miss his Sunshine every single second of every day. Because he did, and always will. Liam was the one in a lifetime love and no one could ever compare to that. He had to learn to live through the pain of having him gone and now he just had to keep doing that for the rest of his life. And he will, reminding himself that the pain he was feeling showed that he was capable of love, that he wasn’t the monster he had been raised to be.

But he still had his Sunshine somewhat, he was still alive, and he could see him for a little while before losing him all over again. The real question was for how long, had his Sunshine been truly taken away from him this time? He couldn’t help but make the deep worry that had settled in his chest ever since Liam didn’t pick up worse. What if the beta had been killed, was if he was dying right this second when Theo was still so far away? He could live with no Sunshine knowing he was alive and well somewhere but if there was one thing that Theo Raeken was certain about is that he couldn’t live in a world where his Sunshine was truly taken away from him, gone forever. A world without Liam Dunbar alive in it wasn’t a world worth living in. He could never live knowing he wouldn’t get to see his Sunshine again. Theo stepped on the gas a little bit more

By the time he had finally reached the “Welcome to Beacon Hills” sign he had managed to calm himself down a bit and establish his new record for shortest drive between Beacon Hills and Redding. When he reached Liam’s apartment he all but jump out of his truck and climbed the stairs until he found the door he was looking for and desperately banged on it hoping that Liam would open it. By some miracle this is exactly what happened, and Theo was met with his Sunshine saying his name, confusion and disbelief in his eyes. The chimera felt like he could finally breathe again, relief washing over him. Liam was save and alive and that was the only thing that mattered. But it wasn’t just breathing again like he had been holding his breath ever since the beta didn’t pick up the phone. It was being in the presence of his Sunshine for the first time it months.

“You called, I called back but you didn’t pick up. I though…”

Once the relief of seeing Liam passed he took the time to scan over the beta, noticing the bloodshot eyes as if he had been crying and the scent of distress and deep sadness but mix with relief and joy which didn’t make any sense.

“Are you okay? What is going on?”

“I don’t know. I miss you.” Was Liam’s answer, his voice small and full of despair like he had been spiraling all day long. Theo felt his heart skip. He couldn’t believe what Liam was saying, what he was implying. That he missed Theo, that not seeing him for months had been so much that he called. That maybe his Sunshine couldn’t live without him either. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. No matter how happy it made him, Theo had to be strong. He had to walk away once more, had to be strong for the beta.

“I’m glad you’re okay. I should go back now.”

“Theo... Please. I can’t do this anymore. Please. Stay”

This was music to his ears, the best sound he had heard in years, Liam’s pleading tone, asking him not to go. The tears welling up in his beautiful blue eyes as he begs for the one thing the chimera might not be able to say no to. And Theo lost himself in the blue of the eyes he spent his days missing, seeing them shine, hope and longing in them. And to that he could only answer one thing while his hand reached for the beta’s cheek, stroking it slowly. He has missed this, more than anything. The soft touches, the word he hadn’t dared say out loud in 5 years.

“Sunshine....”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this was how i pictured this serie to end when i first thought about it, leaving to the reader to decide if Theo stayed or not. But I've been bullied into fixing it so there will be two more parts, one dealing with what happened to make Liam call and on that will be the actual fixing. If you chose to see it as Theo not staying and sticking by the fact that they aren't good for each other then I suggest to not read part 5 or see it as an alternate universe or something? Part 4 should be fine to read. It will take a while for those to come out as I have school stuff to deal with for the whole of july but it will happen eventually!  
> I hope you enjoyed and that it didn't hurt too much.


End file.
